“Forgive and forget” is an old saying which is losing its relevance in contemporary times. Due to increasing complexities in human relationships, people are finding it difficult to follow the mantra. In current times, we forgive and “resent” instead of forgetting. Jada Pinkett Smith sat on the ‘Red Table Talk’ discussing this phenomenon called “toxic forgiveness”.
Jada Smith released a new episode of he Facebook show co-hosted with her mother Adrienne Banfield Norris. This time Sheree Zampino, Will Smith’s ex-wife joined along with Nedra Glover Tawwab, a relationship psychologist, and the country singer Jana Kramer. The ladies talked about how forgiveness with genuine intent leads to toxicity. Jada connected it to her earlier reaction and behavior towards Will and Zampino’s divorce.
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What Is Toxic Forgiveness?
On the ‘Red Table Talk’, Nedra Glover Tawwab defined toxic forgiveness and her experience with patients during her practice. On Twitter, Nedra shared her definition of the phenomenon. She described Toxic forgiveness as “an unhealthy way that people pretend to be unharmed, over it, or forgetful of the offense.” She also said, “Forgiving and Forgetting is not a realistic approach to moving forward.”
The author and psychologist brought her experiences to the table. Tawwab said, “I sit down with people and hear them beating themselves up because they want to forgive, they want to be ‘over it,’ but sometimes it is a process, and when we force it, it’s unhealthy for us.” We beat ourselves up by forgiving and even if we are forgiving, it is just on the surface. The internal conflict and resentment build-up may ruin the relationship in the long run.
To avoid it, Nedra prescribed a solution of the “unforgiveness revolution”. It is a healthier way of forgiving the person, but taking our time and experiencing the process instead of rushing. She said, “A healthier version of forgiveness looks like acceptance of the event, learning to let go of some of the anger, and feeling less consumed by it. According to her, forgiveness is a choice. “Just because we don’t forgive a person, we can still be kind, we can be pleasant. I think we believe that unforgiveness is being mean to people. You can be kind and not like people.”
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“We Did Have To Fake It To Make It”: Jada Pinkett Smith Explained Her Position During Will Smith’s Divorce With Ex-wife
The theme of latest episode of ‘Red Table Talk’ was “toxic forgiveness”. On the show, Jada Smith and Will’s ex-wife Sheree Zampino talked about their journey of coming closer to each other and coming to terms with the family dynamic. Pinkett Smith admitted, “We have developed a nice sisterhood, but it hasn’t been easy along the way.” She also confessed that she faked it till she made peace with her caution with Sheree.
Sheree Zampino and Will Smith married each other in 1994, but it did not last long and they divorced. In 1996, Will got married to the ‘Scream 2’ actress and since then, they have been treading their way through their marriage. Jada explained that she did not have the maturity to understand the marital dynamic and blending of families. She said, “Trying to have a blended family and not really having a blueprint of that. We really had to figure it out along the way.”
Jada added, “For me, it was really about maturity. Just not understanding the marital dynamic, like ‘OK, the divorce papers are sent, and people are over it, and this is done.’ “
Smith shared the realization she had eventually of how divorce works. “Oh, guess what it ain’t ever done. So that was my biggest misconception, in that this woman is a part of this family. It’s like not only taking on [Trey Smith], but Sheree was coming along too as part of the package.”
The actress also recalled a messy situation between the two due to Trey’s behaviour. “I’m imagining it definitely took some forgiveness on your part because I can remember some times that I really crossed the line.”, Jada said.
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