Whenever we think of Emily Waltham from ‘Friends’, one familiar picture comes to mind: a crazy, neurotic, bridezilla ex. Though looking at her storyline now, Emily doesn’t quite seem to be the monster she is framed as.
Imagine having to sneak out of your own wedding because the person you trust the most said his ex-girlfriend’s name at the altar. Yet, somehow, Emily becomes the one who is paranoid, cold and unreasonable. While Ross comes out as a tragic hero softened by his grand romantic gestures and self-deprecating jokes. The more closely you look at Emily’s storyline, the clearer it becomes that ‘Friends’ did her incredibly dirty.
Emily Was Totally On The Right Side
From the beginning, the show completely ignores the amount of sacrifice Emily has to make to be with Ross. Once they decide to get married, Emily is expected to leave behind her life in London, including her job, family, and friends, to move to New York and build a new life with Ross.
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And what she gets here is an emotionally unavailable man who keeps going back to his ex and his fairly hostile group of friends who all think she is completely crazy. Then comes the disaster at the altar. What happened to her is something straight out of people’s worst nightmare. It is completely traumatic, and the show never acknowledges that.
After everything, Emily was still willing to give Ross another chance. She was the mature one in their relationship and took actual steps to make it work. But she goes to the airport and discovers him going on their honeymoon with Rachel. After all that, she had every right to be furious.
Rachel was not some random friend. She was the woman Ross was completely emotionally entangled with. Emily had every reason to feel insecure and threatened by their relationship. Ideally, she should have ended things with Ross immediately after what happened at the altar. But with how confusing and life-shattering that experience would have been and with Ross relentlessly pursuing her after that, what exactly was she supposed to do?
The Gang Had Decided Emily Was Crazy From The Start
The ‘Friends’ gang never really gave Emily a fair chance. They were hell-bent on their first impression of her and kept returning to it to justify their hatred for her. Though even that first meeting is ironically only putting Emily in the right once again. Emily arrives in New York and is immediately in a completely uncomfortable situation. She gets drenched in the rain, ditched by Rachel and forced to spend time with a male stranger in an unfamiliar city.
Despite it all, Emily was mature enough to get over it and be polite with everybody. She gets along with the rest of the group, including Rachel and even forms a surprisingly good relationship with Carol and Susan. That itself was one of the biggest signs that Emily was never the cold, hostile person the friends made her out to be. In fact, it is because they were so unbelievably hostile to her that the only good relationship she was able to develop was with someone outside the group.
Then there is the infamous bridezilla storyline. Emily wanting to get married at her dream chapel was hardly an unreasonable request. And when she discovers that the chapel is under construction, she understandably becomes emotional. Instead of allowing her to be upset about a meaningful part of her wedding being ruined, the friends, including Ross, turn this into another example of her being controlling and irrational. Meanwhile, Ross is the one who is continuously pushing the wedding forward with his “it’s now or never” attitude.
The same thing happens when Emily’s family refuses to tell Ross where she is. Their refusal is completely valid and is in the best interest of Emily. They had every reason not to trust Ross who, by the way, was also screaming and insulting them. But it is treated as just another punchline about crazy Emily and her crazy family.
Ross Never Really Loved Emily
Ross’s treatment of Emily is probably the biggest problem with this entire storyline. He love-bombs her from the beginning, rushing their relationship forward and pushing for this whirlwind romance. He sweeps her off her feet, proposes and insists that they must get married almost immediately. Then completely breaks her trust by saying Rachel’s name at the altar.
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It is the ultimate example of Ross getting so caught up in his own romantic hero narrative that he fails to ever consider the person standing in front of him. And it is all because he has always been too concerned with appearances rather than actually caring about Emily. Ross is relentless in the way he tries to get Emily back. But is it really because he wants her back? He is terrified of getting divorced again, feels guilty for the things he has done and believes he can fix the situation without ever actually confronting the damage he has caused.
Even right after the altar debacle, Ross is more concerned with making jokes and maintaining his image as the lovable, sensitive guy than genuinely understanding what Emily has gone through and apologising for it. It is because of this behaviour that Emily felt the need to run away from her own wedding. His method of trying to win her back is all grand romantic gestures that don’t really mean anything to Emily but paint him as the romantic guy.
When Emily finally tells him what she would actually need to feel secure in their marriage, Ross refuses to make those changes. It is so telling that Ross refuses to do the bare minimum to accommodate Emily. It was too much for him to abandon his life in New York and be with Emily in London, but wasn’t she expected to do the same by default when he initially proposed to her? The double standards were too hard to ignore.
Emily Was Always Disposable To The Story
From the beginning, ‘Friends’ knew Emily was ultimately just another love interest standing between Ross and Rachel’s endgame. She was an obstacle to remove, and the easiest way to do that was to reduce her to a cartoonish caricature the audience can no longer sympathise with. Ironically, it is Emily who still comes out more sympathetic than ever in this equation.
Emily is hated for not trusting Ross, even though Ross has repeatedly proven himself untrustworthy. She is called controlling for wanting Rachel out of their lives, even though Rachel is the person Ross keeps returning to. And all this time, Ross gets to control the narrative and comes out looking like the good guy.
Even in the end, Emily was the more mature one. She recognises that their marriage cannot survive without trust. While the friends end up remembering her as the domineering tyrant who nearly ruined Ross and Rachel’s relationship, Emily was never the villain. The show just needed to turn her into one, and they completely failed to do that.
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