Nathan Lane has spent decades making audiences laugh, but one of the most defining moments of his life came long before the spotlight fully found him.
In a recent conversation, the veteran actor revisited the painful day he came out to his mother, and her devastated reaction stunned him. But he still managed to cope with it.
Nathan Lane Recalls Why Coming Out To His Mother Was So Humiliating
During an appearance on The Howard Stern Show, Nathan Lane shared how he finally sat down with his mother before leaving for New York. He admitted, “I didn’t want to tell her, but before I left, we had been through so much together and, you know, I had never lied to her.”
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He then told her directly, “Look, I know you think I’ve been seeing a girl, but actually, I’ve been seeing a guy.” His mother paused and asked, “You mean you’re a homosexual?” Lane said he had never heard it put that way before, but he still answered honestly, “Yeah, I guess so.”
Her response came as a shock. She said, “I would rather you were dead.” Lane later explained that she did not sound angry, but her words still hurt deeply. He reacted immediately and said, “I knew you’d understand.”
Lane Explains The Emotional Toll The Reaction Took On Him
Lane later spoke about the situation and tried to explain it in context. He said, “You have to understand this is another generation. And that was, you know, this was not a sophisticated person in that way.” He understood where she was coming from, but that did not make the moment easier.
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He said this was the hardest thing he had done at that point in his life. He explained, “I felt like I needed to do that. I needed to be honest with her, right?” He also shared that he hoped she might understand, but that did not happen.
The situation became more complicated soon after. Lane asked his mother not to tell his brothers because he wanted to share the news himself. She did not wait. He said, “And then she immediately called them and told them. So I had to deal with that.”
Lane later spoke about how his brothers reacted. His brother Dan, a teacher, took time to talk things through during a long walk. Dan tried to understand and asked if it could be a phase. Lane replied clearly, “No, I don’t think it’s a phase.” His other brother reacted much more simply. Lane said he “didn’t seem to care,” and instead told him, “I love you no matter what.”
Lane later came out publicly in 1999 in an interview with The Advocate.
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