There has been enough analysis of Rory Gilmore’s downfall in ‘Gilmore Girls’ over the past two decades. But the more we step back, the clearer it becomes that Rory was never really the problem. From her affair with Dean to dropping out of Yale and the many frustrating decisions she makes in the later seasons, Rory does plenty of things that cannot and should not be justified.
But her character can never truly be understood without looking at the enormous social context surrounding her. Rory’s downfall was never as simple as a good girl becoming too spoiled and crossing one too many lines. It is the story of what happens when someone is raised to believe that society’s approval is the only way they can truly be loved.
Rory Was Never Allowed To Be Anything Other Than The Perfect Girl
Despite everything we say about Rory, she was always under enormous pressure to be perfect. She was expected to maintain the same level of excellence, no matter what was happening in her life.
Lorelai’s pregnancy was the biggest source of shame in the eyes of those around her, not just her parents. She was already an outcast. So while Lorelai worked tirelessly to make ends meet for herself and her child, what else could be expected of Rory? Be the perfect little daughter everyone would adore, and then maybe her mother’s shame would be acceptable.
So, Rory plays right into this game. She becomes the perfect daughter, perfect student and perfect young woman. Until she becomes so flawless that even a single mistake comes under the microscope.
From day one, she is Stars Hollow’s resident ideal girl, the town’s darling who can seemingly do no wrong. Everyone treats Rory like a chosen icon. That much interest in a teenage girl’s life in itself is so deeply problematic.
Lorelai also has incredibly high expectations for Rory, even if they are not always presented that way in the show. The fact that Lorelai has to return to her parents and agree to weekly dinners in exchange for Rory’s Chilton tuition is such a burden hanging over both of them. Rory has to succeed. She has to do well. Failure is just not an option.
Rory’s Worldview Is Always Shaped By Others’ Approval
Fortunately for Rory, she genuinely likes doing well and getting others’ approval. She has been conditioned to like it. Eventually, the line between what she truly enjoys and what she does to only receive approval becomes so blurry that she can barely tell the difference.
One moment that has always stood out in the earlier episodes is when Rory goes to the country club with Richard and absolutely loves the experience, much to Lorelai’s surprise. In many ways, this is one of the first glimpses of what Rory actually likes, rather than what she has been conditioned to like.
She likes being the darling of the country club. She likes having her grandfather approve of her and proudly brag about her to his friends. Rory likes being the perfect little girl everyone loves.
This explains so much about why Rory becomes so entitled and spoiled in the later seasons. She has been taught from the beginning that if she becomes the perfect, well-behaved girl, everyone will love her and she will be admired, protected and rewarded. She truly believes that being good entitles her to a perfectly happy life. Obviously, that doesn’t justify her behaviour, but it does make it easier to understand her.
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Rory Was A Pawn In The System Until She Couldn’t Be Perfect Anymore
Rory’s worldview is the fantasy society often feeds young girls: be modest, be good at what you do, listen well and do not mess up. If you follow the rules correctly, you will be loved by everyone and eventually receive your happy ending.
Rory’s entire sense of self-worth is tied to being the ideal, perfect girl. She is never encouraged to explore another version of herself. So, when she finally messes up, she cannot see another way to exist. Because from the start, she has been conditioned to believe that being adored by everyone is the only right way to live.
You can only be a pawn in that system for so long.
Our collective reaction to Rory messing up also says a lot. When in real life, messing up for young girls is never a choice, it is so hard to see Rory make a mistake. Also, she is rich. She has an enormous amount of financial security. Watching her waste these opportunities that so many other people would never receive is so much more frustrating and only makes us hate Rory more.
Rory Gilmore was never simply a good girl who became spoiled. She was a girl raised to believe that perfection was the price of love. She had never been taught who she was supposed to be without it. That does not excuse Rory. But it does explain why blaming her alone was never the right answer.
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